Monday, July 06, 2009

Stupid Fucking White Man

Browsing the intertubes today, I noted that a reporter said that the South Carolina killer is thought to have been, ahem, "shot dead".

Why the fuck do reporters say "shot dead"? It's just dumb and annoying. There are two ways in which I automatically interpret this stupid turn of phrase (completely against my will) and neither of them traffic in the kind of creepy that we really want in a situation like this.

First, it's like the dude was already dead when they shot him. Shot dead. Wouldn’t it have been smarter to shoot him when he was still alive, thus being the actual cause of his death? Wouldn’t that have guaranteed their bragging rights? Why wait ‘till he’s dead? Isn’t that just showing off?!

Or better yet, “shot dead” sounds like it’s coming from the yellow-beard encrusted tobacco stained lips of an old man in a tumbleweed town where they have shutters for doors and their names are Dusty, Smokey, or something else that guarantees that its bearer’s skin flaps off his mandibles like a desiccated tire in the lonely Nevada wind. Fuckin' corncob pipes and cataracts.

It’s so fucking annoying when we could be genuinely nudged out of our real-life, bill paying, wine-on-Friday torpor where the bad guy gets his....and then some dipshit goes and blows it with a line like, “shot dead”.

It's like the end of Episode III (Nooooooo!!!) all over again.